There are some wars we may never win. Despite all the rhetoric and the successful assassination of Saddam Hussein, the threat of terror remains.   There may be frequent victories, some of which may never be reported, but from time to time the terrorists will succeed and another atrocity will be committed.

The war against rhino poachers is another example of a seemingly fruitless campaign.   Stats released at the weekend show that in the period from January to August this year. 458 poached rhino carcasses were found in the Kruger Park, a fall from the 557 in the same period last year. Environment Minister Edna Molewa said she was “pleased…that poaching is on the decline in the Kruger National Park….”

Yes, minister, the number is down.   But almost two rhino a day being taken out by poachers?

Heaven knows how much money and effort is being deployed to combat poaching, but it clearly hasn’t resolved the problem.   The word ‘poaching’ is a fairly tame one, when you consider what is happening. Maybe ‘butchery’ would better convey the savagery of this criminal slaughter? And, of course, those rhino outside the Kruger Park are also at risk. As the minister admitted “the number of rhino poached has increased in a number of other provinces in comparison to the same period in 2015, such as Kwa-Zulu Natal, Free State and the Northern Cape.”

And the poaching of elephant is also on the rise.

The Minister had been due to give a News Conference to announce the latest poaching stats, but this was cancelled. Apparently she has been too busy preparing for the COP17 CITES conference which is being held in Sandton later this month. Which is a shame.

The current levels of rhino poaching are a national disgrace, even though there has been some progress in scaling down the criminal cull in the Kruger Park.

And while we all look forward to positive discussion and progress at the CITES talk-shop, actions speak louder than words.

The rate of rhino massacres remains a national disgrace, and while the Minister may be pleased with recent progress, we remain deeply horrified and appalled.

Must try harder.

 

Tweet of the Day: Environmentza (@environmentza):   Minister #EdnaMolewa: We cannot celebrate as yet. We need to work harder and harder to deal with rhino poaching

 

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Tweet of the Day: Environmentza (@environmentza):   Minister #EdnaMolewa: We cannot celebrate as yet. We need to work harder and harder to deal with rhino poaching

 

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There are some things I will not stand for, and the Chinese National Anthem is one.  I was delighted to be invited by the IDC to Coega for the release of their (rather worrying) financial results – and a sod-turning ceremony for a new R11bn vehicle plant being built by Chinese auto giant BAIC.

There was no shortage of sods at the sod turning – Minister Ebrahim Patel, dozens of Chinese officials and auto bods, a cluster of journalists and hundreds of other freeloaders.

There was even the sad sight of the former mayor of PE Danny Jordaan, whom I had assumed would be far too busy fighting sleaze and corruption in international football to be hanging around with sods.

There was far too much pomp at the ceremony, made even more tortuous by the non-simultaneous translation of almost everything between English and Chinese. And the cheek of the hosts to offer us non-alcoholic Shiraz grape juice with our lunch was only compounded by the media being called to a briefing before we had been served any dessert or coffee (mind you, given the quality of the other courses, this may have been a blessing in disguise).

Of course it is useful to have a big new investment at Coega, even though it would not have happened without the lure of government investment incentives and co-investment by the IDC. I just wonder whether the job-creation levels we will see can in any way match the scale which would be achieved by a similarly-sized investment in agriculture or tourism.   Actually, I don’t wonder. I know it wouldn’t.

But back to that anthems…..    I was happy to stand for the South African anthem, because I knew it did not imply affection for our President and his cabal of Guptarian tenderpreneurs.

But when I think of the way China disrespects human rights, and in particular has ensured through vile pressure on our authorities that the Dalai Lama is not allowed to visit our shores, I was not prepared to rise to my feet.

Besides, what the hell were they doing playing national anthems anyway?

 

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Remember that hilarious clip of former finance minister Nene in a TV interview, disappearing from sight as his SABC chair collapsed from under him? Well I was a bit of a Nene at the Cape Winemakers’ Guild tutored tasting recently at Nedbank’s HQ in Jo’burg.

 

One second I was staring sagely into my glass, and the next I was flat on my back. Two legs of my Nedbank seat had broken off, and gravity took care of the rest.

 

Of course, neither Mr Nene nor I could be described as petite, and it would be tempting to argue that our chairs sensed defeat and gave up the ghost.

 

But within minutes of my fall from grace (and sight) the same thing happened to the far-slimmer Miguel Chan, who is chief sommelier of Tsogo Sun. Only one leg of his chair snapped off, and he managed to hold his head above the table, balanced on three chair legs as only a man whose profession involves a lot of alcohol can do.

 

At least the wines were top class, with some gems I would willingly pay for – once Nedbank has settled my claim for loss of dignity and a scraped elbow.

 

Certainly the wines were of a standard fit for this fine financial institution, and so much better than the pissy plonk which we had been served a few weeks earlier when Nedbank hosted analysts and journalists to its latest financial results.

 

I asked then for a glass of red, took one sniff, and then asked for a glass of white. It was drinkable but I have had better wine in economy class on many an airline. The food was enjoyed by most at both the tasting and the results presentation, but I found the plain crackers during the tasting far more appealing.. They accompanied the wines and I tucked in (once I had a fresh chair).

 

After the tasting, I had to ask why they would serve a massive super-sized round Brie cheese if the caterers couldn’t be bothered to mature it? In fact, I have often bemoaned the massive contrast between the superb cheeses which are made in South Africa and the plastic poop which is all too often served at functions. Winemakers and their groupies are normally pretty knowledgable about food, and can tell a fuck up when they see one. So why cut corners?

 

I suppose I have just been rather unlucky recently. I recently took my wine guru Michael Olivier and his lovely bride to a once-great Joburg restaurant for lunch and had an awful meal. Meat should be warm, even if it is stuffed in a burger.

 

The same chilling thing happened at a Pretoria café a few days later.   Then during two separate outings a chum had a hair in his food at the same Pretoria restaurant  – not once, but twice in a row.

 

Fortunately I have had one excellent meal recently at Alfie’s Pizzeria, another Pretoria restaurant which I visited for the first time the other day.

 

Welcoming service, great food and some well-matched wines turned a casual lunch into a real treat.

 

The one problem was the lack of parking, which was damm annoying, but I suppose that having to walk a few yards wasn’t such a bad thing given my copious consumption.

 

So what conclusions can we draw?

 

Apart from Nebank seats requiring a health warning and Nedbank’s house wine more suited to alcos sleeping under a bridge, I have to weep at the lack of consistency of so many South African restaurants. You don’t always realise how badly you are treated and fed until you stumble across somewhere which does it right.

 

The Cape Winemakers’ Guild auction is looming – on the 1st of October – and I urge you to bid. The proceeds go to transformation in the SA wine industry. Given the almost-exclusively white and male bunch showing their wines, there is a hell of a way to go.

 

Next up on my list of treats will be the Stellenbosch at Summer Place food and wine evening later in October.

 

Last year there were some remarkable wines and brandies and some pretty dull and uninspiring food options. Thankfully, the cheese was good. So I knew at once I wasn’t at Nedbank.

 

And finally…..

 

I wrote this on board a BA flight from Joburg to PE. We had just been served breakfast. I was given a slice of bacon which was more of a ration than a rasher, and the eggs – at least they were supposed to be eggs – were so over-salted I could not eat them.

 

If you can’t do it properly, then don’t do it at all. BA? Bloody Awful. Must try harder, or at least a bit.

 

NB: I asked for a gin and tonic on the return flight, and was offered just a tonic. I then tried the red wine.   Not nice.     Airlines cater for tourists and are an obvious showcase for South African wines.   It is unpatriotic to pour plonk, and whoever is responsible for BA catering should be made to eat only their breakfasts for an eternity in Hell.

 

Tweet of the Day:

 

Jewish Comedians (@JewishComedians): Oscar Levant: Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you’ll find real tinsel underneath. | #Quotes

 

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Let’s face it.  There is a bit too much bad news around these days.   So I was delighted to hear of something we should all be proud of – in a very unexpected place.

It was the AECI results presentation this week, and as well as the usual financial slides and divisional reporting, there was a video section devoted to the James Bond movie, SPECTRE.

The scene which was highlighted featured a very big explosion – believed to be the largest ever in a movie.

As Daniel Craig and some Bond babe looked down, a whole complex went up in flame. The earth moved, and Craig’s features almost showed some expression.

So what was AECI’s role?

Well. They are known for providing explosives, and for Spectre they provided the blasting caps and timers to ensure the Bond explosion went to plan, with a big, big, big bang and lots of flame.

South African technology in the desert of Morocco for a film about a British secret agent?

Bravo AECI.

Tweet of the Day:

Irrationally Calm (@dire_beard): [Russian Roulette] *hammer lands on empty chamber* Damnit! I never win anything

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EU Ambassador to ZA Marcus Cornaro has confirmed to ZA Confidential that a €15m EU fund for supporting the South African wine industry should soon be available.

ZA Confidential understands the payment, equivalent to over R225m, was part of an earlier Wines and Spirits Agreement between Brussels and Pretoria, which also included the condition that ZA should cease using the terms “port” and “sherry” for its fortified wines.

The Ambassador confirmed that this earlier agreement on alcohol was not ratified, but has now been incorporated into the EU’s new Economic Partnership Agreement (EPA), which was recently signed with ZA and its SADC neighbours.

“We have re-committed the €15m,” he said.

“It is a refreshment of an older commitment.

“The earlier agreement was never ratified.”

The Ambassador said that EU officials are in talks with the Trade and Industry Department (dti) and with the Department of Agriculture on details of how the money will be allocated.

Two thirds of the fund will go to boosting employment and BEE, with the aim of securing a genuine impact on transformation and job creation in the wine industry.

The other third would go to supporting the marketing and promotion efforts of the ZA wine industry. “We are about to finalise the modalities and detailed objectives,” said Cornaro.

The EPA itself is also expected to bring additional benefits to the ZA wine industry, allowing greater access for exports to the European market.

 

BREXIT

In another development, the Ambassador suggested that with the EPA negotiations having recently been concluded, ZA is in a far more comfortable position in facing the challenges which will arise from the UK’s Brexit vote.

“With the EPA, SA is not a big demander in the equation,” he stated. “Myself and the U.K. High Commissioner will argue that once the landing zone is clearer, and if SA is happy to preserve the EPA, they are starting it from the most comfortable position of the three.”   (The three parties he referred to are South Africa, the EU and the UK.)

The Ambassador said that the EU was a massive supporter of ZA’s transformation to a democracy “spending €1bn per decade for first two decades.

“I still get credit over a lot of the support which was received,” he noted.

He said that although EU support for ZA has been reduced to around €250m over 4-5 years, ‘we are in a very healthy partnership relationship, using the money to further leverage reforms.”

 

Tweet of the Day:

Jewish Comedians (@JewishComedians): Rodney Dangerfield: My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. | #Quotes

 

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Having already argued that South Africa must be aggressive in preserving what has been won in the past, as we enter the rough seas of Brexit trade negotiations, I was pleased to see our trade and industry minister Rob Davies being able to shed a little light on strategy, after addressing an African trade launch in Pretoria.

Davies said the British have told us they foresee no big interruption in our trade, and indeed they may be more open on agricultural regulations than other EC countries.

There is still no clarity on how relations will be structured, but South Africa wants this to be based on the EU’s current regional framework for trade, the EPA.

The EPA and other trade deals gives ZA some advantages in terms of tariff rate quotas, and when the EU enlarged ZA didn’t get additional quotas.

“That being the case, we feel there should be no reduction if a member leaves,” Davies said.

He wasn’t sure when the British will trigger Brexix, but he doubted that all the trade issues could be tied up within the two-years beyond that, as is planned.

“The biggest impact of Brexit is not going to be in trade – the UK only accounts for 4% of total SA trade,” said Davies.   “The biggest impact will be what uncertainty does for us. We are watching it. I did write to the UK High Commissioner to mark our territory.”

Whatever the politicians say publicly, there is a lot at stake, and protectionist forces are bound to rear their heads. It will be a tough few years.

In another development, Davies launched the new Africa Investment and Trade office – ironically on the same day his officials are in Zimbabwe, trying to reverse that country’s recent import bans on ZA goods.

 

Tweet of the Day:

Bill Murray (@BiIIMurray): It’s amazing how many people are allergic to gluten, peanuts, and facts.

 

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For a couple of decades, on and off, I have been keeping an eye on ZA’s trade relations with the EU. Now that the Brits are Brexiting, there are a number of uncertainties and concerns for us.

As one of the most astute ZA commentators and Euro-watchers Dr John Mare suggested to me over what turned out to be a deeply indigestible Col Caccio pizza (not John’s fault – it was probably the raw onions), there are a number of scenarios.

I won’t bore you with them all, save to note that the EU currently has a trade treaty with ZA and its neighbours, and in theory Britain’s exiting from the EU will mean exiting from this relationship, which currently gives us preferential access to the EU (including UK) market.

The most elegant way out of this would be if the EU would just roll over everything in its relationship with ZA, Tippexing out all the references to the UK, and if Britain were to adopt it all, bilaterally, without any fuss.

However, there is always the temptation to meddle, to seek a slightly better deal.

Let us remember that the ‘Club Med’ members of the EU fought hard to water down the agricultural concessions which have been given to ZA in the past, and imposed all sorts of protectionist nonsense – like the rules which prevent us from calling our sherry ‘sherry’ and our port ‘port.’   And don’t get me started on Champagne.   Or rather do – as a drink but not as a topic for debate.

Remember, too, that Europe liked Mandela and was happy to lavish him with support. Jacob Zuma is a very different creature, and far less loved internationally.

So there is scope for damage to ZA’s trade interests, both in new negotiations with Britain and in preserving what it has achieved in negotiations with pre-Brexit Brussels.

We must also recognise that ZA won’t be the top of the agenda in London or Brussels, as there is an avalanche of EU red tape which will need to be Brexited, and trade relations with SA have never been front of the queue.

One encouraging development was the appointment by Theresa May of Liam Fox in a new post as International Trade Minister.

Were I ZA’s Trade and Industry Minister Rob Davies I would be hounding Fox day and night.   Not with real hounds, though.

NB: Having worked alongside Boris Johnson when I was in the Brussels Press Corp I have only one reason to welcome his appointment as Britain’s new Foreign Secretary.   At least he didn’t make it into 10 Downing Street.

Tweet of the Day:

Nigel Farage (@Nigel_Farage): The appointment of @DavidDavisMP & @LiamFoxMP to Brexit and International Trade roles are inspired choices. I feel more optimistic now.

 

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Even if I did not need so much beauty sleep, it is quite unlikely that I would queue all night for a cup of coffee, as some silly sods did when the first SA Starbucks coffee shop opened in Rosebank recently.  I have drunk Starbucks coffee in many parts of the world, enjoy it, but while I admire all the hype and marketing, a long queue is not for me.

Taste Holdings, which came under fire from rivals over the way they earlier secured the Domino’s Pizza franchise, is behind the ZA Starbucks rollout, and I was interested to get some grasp of their strategy when I attended their latest presentation to analysts.

I was recently in the UK where I visited a few Starbucks outlets, which ranged from traditional coffee shops to a rather cold and windy outlet at Reading rail station.   I never had a bad coffee in the UK, although I did feel slightly cheated by the large ratio of foam to liquid in the cappuccinos – a tactic for selling air at a high price.

There are now two Starbucks outlets in SA – the Rosebank one and another in the new Mall of Africa in Midrand.  A third is planned for this calendar year.

I fully understand that the aim in SA is to offer comfortable, cozy and attractive stores, that there are problems in getting the right locations, and that this will take time.

However, it is hard to accept that you can boast a national franchise with just three stores, and I did not get the impression that the roll-out will be accelerated much next year either.   It seems to be a roll-out with square wheels rather than round ones.  Maybe that is an appropriate way of looking at it, as they could be adding some drive-by outlets.

It was also interesting to learn that there were teething troubles with the Domino’s launch in SA, with staff training appearing to be one of the major headaches.  Many lessons will be learnt from this, and will be applied to Starbucks.

As well as a business card draw with prizes of nice watches and pens, a few vouchers for Taste outlets and the traditional information booklets, analysts were each offered a free bag of Starbucks coffee beans.

There were tables serving brewed coffee, but from small and nasty paper cups, which I found a bit of a contrast to the image they are trying to project.

And then there was the food – all prepared by the Starbucks team but brought in for their guests.

As we left the presentation, there was table loaded with sweet stuff, but no sign of the savoury food, which was dribbled out of the kitchens a bit later.

The cheesecake was a bit bland and was icy in the middle, there was a pastry thing which looked as if it might have been stuffed with apple or custard or something tasty, but which turned out to be stuffed with more pastry.  The chocolate cookies were excellent and I must confess that I pocketed a few for a teatime treat.

I did not sample everything, because the hot food then began to arrive.   Not really to my taste.  The pulled pork sandwich was completely underwhelming, with no flavor at all, the croissants with ham and cheese had a filling which was so bland it could as easily have been left out.   The chicken salad was good, but the Coronation chicken wraps were incredibly under-flavoured and really did not delight.  There were bite-sized toasted sandwiches which I found really horrid, and I am normally a great fan of such sandwiches.

So while I have every confidence that once the queues die down a bit, I will be able to get a tasty Starbucks coffee, I do hope they take a long and serious look at their food offerings.   When in England recently I consumed both sweet and savoury Starbucks products, was not that impressed by them, but certainly they were far superior to the SA offerings.

My current favourite local coffee chain is the Seattle Coffee Company, which produces delicious brews, and has pleasant but pricy food.   Maybe the Taste Holdings people should do a bit more tasting? 

Tweet of the Day

Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan):  I had a joke about a neutered cat but it had been done already.

 

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I was in two minds when I read reports today about an insistence that South African chicken must be clearly labeled so that consumers can know they are buying the local stuff and not something that has been imported. While I tend to support the sentiment that we must do all we can to support local businesses, I also believe in free and fair trade (even if it is not yet a reality).   And I am sure than many South Africans are more concerned about price than origin when buying chicken.

However, there is certainly potential to boost local content and to promote local goods where possible and viable.   We have seen several ministers, including President Zuma, stress the importance of securing more locally-made components for the vehicles which are assembled in South Africa, supported by billions of rand in state subsidies. As government plans the successor auto incentive scheme, which will run from 2020, the auto giants should be aware that there is frustration that they are not doing enough to source from local component suppliers, and that penalties may be incurred in future if they do too little.

I was interested when retailer Verimark gave a presentation to analysts at which it said that it, too, hopes to procure more from local producers.   Surely we should now start seeing a better dialogue between companies like Verimark – which appears to get most of its stuff from China – and local manufacturers? Of course, there are some products which the Chinese will always be able to make more cheaply. But how about we bring in the innovators and entrepreneurs and start devising the sort of smart gadgets which Verimark markets, and then producing them from a local base?

With the weak rand, Verimark is trying harder to secure more sales outside South Africa, so any initiative to produce more here would not only reduce imports but could also boost exports as well.

We need innovation, imagination, better dialogue and a strong commitment to reviving South Africa’s manufacturing sector.   Tinkering with the labelling on packs of chicken isn’t going to help much.

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I have to admit that I was a little wary about eating in the Mosaic restaurant, or Restaurant Mosaic as it known, as some friends told me of an evening meal there after which they needed to stop by MacDonald’s on the way home, as they were still hungry.   However, one of our finest wine producers La Motte was hosting a media lunch, so I had little to lose by going along.   As it transpired, not even my appetite.

I used my TomTom navigator to get there, as the restaurant is located in the middle of nowhere, and then on a bit.   It is an attractive building, with a brilliant sommelier, and I was hosted by La Motte CEO Hein Koegelenberg, who was full of fascinating anecdotes and info on the wine business.  When he could get a word in.   One of my fellow guests was clearly under the impression that she was hosting the event, constantly interrupted poor Hein, and did little to enhance my mood.

What of the food?   What is the square root of very small?   Go to Mosaic and you will find out.   The first offering was trundled in – a trolley with four types of bread, accompanied by a selection of butters, which were on the table.   But what small slices!   If a modern-day Christ were seeking the best way to feed several thousand people from a few small loaves, without any flashy miracles, he could learn a lot from this restaurant.

The other courses were not quite as small, although it would have taken the cheese selections from every diner at the table to make up just one mouthful.   The langoustine with bisque and risotto was enjoyable, although I found the bisque a bit bland and the risotto overcooked.

Before that, there was a pile of green stuff surrounded by a moat of different green stuff, which tasted OK.   Two dishes from the La Motte guest chef were less enjoyable.  The first was a few shavings of cured meat, which left an unpleasant taste in the mouth, and then there were a few bundles of poultry wrapped in different coverings, which really did nothing to fill or to please me.

The dessert was two types of chocolate, looked wonderful, but tasted a bit underwhelming.

As the service took so long, I was unable to stay for coffee, as the sun was threatening to fade and I needed to head home, but I am sure it was fine.

The wines were enjoyable, but not startling.   I found the La Motte Sauvignon Blanc rather brash, but the sommelier suggested it might benefit from some cellaring.  Maybe they will do so, and then invite me back for another taste?    There were a couple of reds, one of which had lots of gold stickers on the bottle, and the other of which didn’t.   The first was a the Hanneli R 2011.  I found it rather brash, so my preference would have been for some more time in the cellar.  The second was a multi-award winner – the Pierneef Syrah-Viognier 2013 – which I found it rather harsh and heavy.   I am sure it will be spectacular in a few years time.

Bizarrely, we were also served a few French wines, presumably to prove that La Motte is up to world standards.  For me, this backfired spectacularly, as my favourite red was a 2007 Côte-Rôtie from France.   It might not have been as fine as the La Motte reds, but it was well aged, and was the only wine for which I requested a refill.

The final wine we were offered was a straw wine from La Motte, which was magical.   A real delight. (And we had earlier been greeted with a glass or two of reasonable La Motte bubbly.)

Will I continue to drink and enjoy La Motte wines?  Certainly.

Would I ever pay myself for a few nibbles at the Mosaic?   Unlikely.

Final proof of the pretentiousness of the place came with the printed menu material.   A reference was made to dinner, even though we were there for lunch.  One of the poultry parcels was described as a petite tortellini, rather than tortellino.  And there was a reference to mousse de mer – which means nothing, unless it a mousse made out of sea water. It wasn’t.

John Fraser was a guest of La Motte at Restaurant Mosaic.

 

Tweet of the Day:

Jewish Comedians (@JewishComedians):  The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. | #Quotes

 

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